


The man and the Bus with the capital B

by Othalla



Series: harry potter in star wars is a thing and i'm doing it [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Harry to the Rescue, Knight Bus, M/M, Stranded Obi-Wan, or something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5896654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Othalla/pseuds/Othalla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Harry Potter drives the Knight Bus and Obi-Wan Kenobi gets picked up. Or something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The man and the Bus with the capital B

**Author's Note:**

> Bc I can't get enough of Harry Potter and Star Wars.

Obi-Wan does not know where he is.

It’s not the first time. For all that he’s a General that should be good at keeping track of things he is particularly talented at misplacing himself at inopportune times. Anakin is starting to sound more and more serious about injecting him with a tracker and though the thought of that is irritating at best, Obi-Wan can’t exactly blame him.

He looks at the broken console of his starship. It’s smoking, thick purple coughs of foul-smelling smoke streaming out from underneath the metal casing. Most touch plates and buttons are gone, either melted or blown away by the initial explosion. The inner workings themselves might be salvable if he can get to them in time. Hopefully.

Obi-Wan takes a cautious step closer to the console, one hand holding a cloth over his mouth and nose. He reaches out with the other to touch the metal board and then draws it back quickly with a hiss. It’s too hot, his fingertips burned red from just a moment of contact.

Then something cracks and the floor shudders. The ship starts tilting, the hull groaning and protesting but bending to the powers that it’s being put under, and Obi-Wan realizes that it’s about to collapse just a moment before it would have been too late.

He calls on the Force, using it to augment his body as he sprints to the entrance. The floor beneath his feet is shaking, creaking ominously. Obi-Wan throws himself out the open hatch, landing in a heap in the wet mud when his right foot slips and bends badly.

Behind him there is one final groan before something very big crashes to the ground and sends a shockwave that makes him fall over again.

That is. That is bad.

He gets up on his knees, wincing, and turns around to look at his ship.

“Oh, Force.”

There’s not much left of it. It’s been turned on its side, most of the hull cracked open in large tears and all its supporting stands broken completely off. The windows are gone and he can see bits of the console sticking out through where they had been before.

It’s still smoking that awful purple smoke, so it’s probably still burning too.

Obi-Wan is not having a very great day.

He raises a hand and scratches at his beard, trying to get some of the mud away from his mouth with minimal success. He’ll have the taste of it lingering for weeks, probably, if he can’t find civilization somewhere around the corner.

Obi-Wan looks around, sees the giant trees in the distance and endless fields of mud that makes up the rest, and doubts he can.

He sighs, annoyed with the situation and himself for getting in it and starts to stand up.

“Sith hells!”

He falls back down on the ground, clutching at his right foot. The pain is sharp and yes, his ankle is definitely broken.

So not, not good.

Obi-Wan groans and gives himself a second to collect himself, pushing the pain and frustration out of his mind. Then he takes off his outer robe and starts to rip it in long pieces. The material is not the best for it, too rough and thick, but out of the clothes that he has on it’s the one he most can do without. It’s dirty and signed, practically beyond mending already, and this planet is warm enough that the cold probably won’t kill him even during the night hours.

He starts tying the strands of cloth around his ankle, stabilizing it as best he can. Thankfully it doesn’t seem like his leggings or footwear let any mud in. Obi-Wan hopes that will be enough to prevent getting an infection before he can get it properly clean.

He isn’t counting on it, though.

Done, he takes a deep breath before he tries again to get up. He manages. Barely, true, leaving all his weight on his good leg and almost falling over in the process, but he remains upright and he counts that as a win.

He’s not quite sure what to do next, though.

He looks to the ship. He doubts he’d be able to get inside with his ankle in the state it is. Doubts it would be a good idea at all due to the smoke and probable burning going on inside. But it’s the only form of structure within miles and he needs to get into contact with the Order, with his unit, with anyone at all. There might be something he can salvage that can help him and he doesn’t have any other options. The only thing he has on him aside from clothes is his lightsaber, which, while certainly handy, is not something he can convert to a commutations device without more supplies.

Still. He reaches down and takes it off of his belt, lifting it up in front of his face. It’s whole, all parts seemingly accounted for if a bit more muddy than he’d like. He flicks it on. The air thrums with its vibrations and the bright light of it is comforting. At least something managed to get down from space unbroken.

He flicks it off and goes to put it back. He stops mid motion, eyes catching on something stuck at the bottom of it. The light’s too dim for him to see what it is so he lifts his light saber up in the air, shifting it so that the waning sun shines on the bottom half.

It’s a small piece of wood, barely an inch long, and Obi-Wan can swipe it off easily with a brush of his thumb.

A clap of thunder roars through the sky and Obi-Wan falls flat on his ass when he instinctively tries to shift into a defensive stance. The pain in his ankle flares up again and he whimpers, digging his teeth into his lip so as to not scream. Falling again did not do him any favour.

Then someone coughs and Obi-Wan’s eyes startle open.

“You all right there, mate?”

Obi-Wan feels the distinct need to rub at his eyes.  Before there had been nothing but mud and his wreckage of a ship in front of him. Now, seemingly having appeared out of nowhere, there’s a vehicle of some sort. With wheels, of all things. It’s purple and seems to have three levels to it. The front is asymmetric with a door to one side, the person who just spoke leaning out of it. Humanoid. Dark hair, dark skin, green eyes and round glasses. Looks to be about thirty standard years.

Dressed rather garishly.

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows twitch. “I have been worse,” he says. He can’t tear his eyes away from the clothes. They’re robes of some sort, long arms and hem that goes all the way down to the feet. They look comfortable, Obi-Wan thinks, soft and smooth and clean.

They’re also a bright ruby red patterned with golden balls that have wings. Golden balls that move, if he’s not mistaken.

Obi-Wan gives in and rubs at his eyes. It doesn’t make any difference.

Obi-Wan’s not quite sure what he had expected.

The humanoid hums. “Haven’t we all.” It drums its fingers against its thigh. “So, you getting on or not? I must say, that mud you’re in doesn’t look all that comfortable. Then again, each to their own. Mud baths in the outskirts of civilization might be in these days, I don’t keep up to speed enough to know.”

Obi-Wan blinks. “Getting on?” His voice go up at the end.

The humanoid smiles. “Getting on, yes. The bus, I mean. Though if you want us to get on or maybe get it on that’s fine too.” Its eyes sweep Obi-Wan’s body from head to toe, lingering a bit at his crotch. “I’m pretty easy.”

Obi-Wan gapes for a moment before he collects himself. And closes his legs. “The bus,” he says.

“Yes. The bus,” the humanoid claps its hand against the side of the unusual vehicle that is, apparently, called a bus. Then it frowns and scrubs thoughtfully at its chin with its hand. “It might be _the_ bus at this point, even. I haven’t seen any other around for some years now. Have you? Seen any buses, that is.”

“I can’t say I have,” Obi-Wan replies.

“Shame,” the humanoid says. “They were all the rage for a while. Very convenient.”

Obi-Wan is not sure just where this conversation is going but he’s beginning to realize it’s definitely going to be a trip he’ll remember for a long time.

“I’m sure,” he says and clears his throat. “If I were to get on this, bus, what would happen then?”

The humanoid blinks slowly. “Well, we’d go there.”

Obi-Wan frowns. “Go where?”

“There,” the humanoid says. “Somewhere, nowhere, anywhere – depends on where you need to go. It’s not just me who’s flexible.” It pauses for a second, then adds, “Although it’d be best if the where is not under water. She tends to get upset if submerged and that’s a hassle and a half.”

“Ok,” Obi-Wan says after a while of stunned silence on his part and relaxed expectance on the humanoids. Obi-Wan doesn’t really know what he means by saying it, though. “Ok.” He says it again, anyway. Just to make sure. Then, “Anywhere?”

The humanoid nods. In assent, Obi-Wan thinks.

He suspends his disbelief because at this point, why the fuck not?

“I’d like to go to Coruscant, then. If that is, indeed, possible.” He raises an eyebrow.

The humanoid smiles. “Sure is. It’d cost you eleven sickles. For fourteen you get a hot chocolate and for fifteen you get a hot water bottle and a toothbrush in whatever colour you’d like.” It pauses for a moment, considering. “Though I suppose you don’t have that particular currency on you. No matter, we also accept republic and confederacy credits and wupiupi. And blowjobs, if you’d rather.”

“I think I’ll go with the republic credits,” Obi-Wan says with a faint voice.

“Shame,” the humanoid pouts. “But fine. Just hop on in and we’ll get you sorted out.” It turns back around and goes to sit in the driver seat.

Obi-Wan starts to get up, carefully making sure not to disturb his ankle more than absolutely necessary. Standing, he considers the distance from his pile of mud to the entrance of the bus. He should make it without much trouble but he has a feeling that the healers will be mightily crossed with him.

He clenches his teeth and prepares to start jumping on one leg.

“Oh, you’re hurt. Why didn’t you say so?” The humanoid says annoyed and raises an eyebrow at him.

Obi-Wan shifts uncertainly.

The humanoid sighs and mutters something inaudible beneath his breath. Obi-Wan is fairly sure he can do without knowing just what. It goes back to the door and frowns at the mud for a short moment before it jumps down in it, grimacing. Then it comes to stand at Obi-Wan’s side and brings its right arm along Obi-Wans back and then bends its knees.

Obi-Wan realizes what it means to do just as it does it and has no time to protest before he finds himself held bridal style. He feels his cheeks start to heat up and does his best to prevent it.

“I could have managed on my own,” he says and tries not to sound too ungrateful.

“Sure you could have,” the humanoid says. “It would’ve been stupid of you, but sure, you could have.” It jumps up in the bus and lets Obi-Wan down on a plush seat diagonally behind the driver seat. The seat is wonderfully soft and Obi-Wan almost groans with relief as his bruised body relaxes into it. “Stupid is not something to aspire toward, in case you didn’t know.”

“Funny,” Obi-Wan says. “I had no idea.”

“I try,” the humanoid says and grins. It rises up from its crouch in front of Obi-Wan and goes back to the front. “I’ll set the course and get us going, then we deal with whatever you did to your poor ankle. I’m not much of a healer, really, but I’m confident I can do better than that muddy wrap thing you’ve got going on. No offence.”

“None taken.”

The door closes with a hiss. The floor vibrates faintly when the humanoid gets the engine going. Then it starts up with a roar and Obi-Wan sits horrified and frozen as the bus starts moving like a shot. He has a moment of time for intense regret and sends a quick prayer to the Force. He’s willingly set foot in a deathtrap and will soon pay the price.

Then there’s a loud bang, just like the one Obi-Wan had heard before the bus had appeared earlier, and outside the windows is no longer fields of mud but tall buildings of silver and gold. They’re shiny, glowing in the light of the high suns and it blinds his eyes for a moment.

He’s been here before. Actually walked down this very street.

It should be at least an hour of hyperspace away from wherever Obi-Wan had crashed.

Obi-Wan’s throat clicks as he tries to swallow, mouth much too dry. “This bus of yours, does it have a name?” Because surely there must be record of it, somewhere on the holonet, if Obi-Wan is not hallucinating like mad and this actually is happening. A purple bus with wheels and an extra loud engine jumping faster than anything ever known across the galaxy.

Fuck his life, seriously.

“It’s called the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard or whatever. We stopped being picky a quite long while into the future.” The humanoid turns its head over its shoulder toward Obi-Wan. The bus turns from right to left and then right again even though the humanoid doesn’t have its arms on the wheel. “And I’m Harry Potter, your conductor and driver this midday.”

Another bang and they’re on another street, on another planet.

“This evening,” Harry continues. Because it’s not midday and daytime here but dark outside.

“A pleasure,” Obi-Wan says. His voice doesn’t go up or break and he’s all around rather proud of himself.

The bus hurtles down the street and instead of slowing down when the way gets completely blocked off by other vehicles, it keeps on going. Obi-Wan resists closing his eyes and has the disturbing opportunity to see himself squeezed together as the bus draws itself together horizontally and passes through the slim space between two of the other vehicles. When they’re out on the other side the bus goes back to normal, Obi-Wan with it.

Obi-Wan promptly throws up, vomit getting all over himself and the upholstery.

It’s definitely that kind of day.

**Author's Note:**

> my [tumblr](http://www.tockae.tumblr.com)


End file.
